How the Victimhood Mentality is Destroying Your Critical Relationships and 3 Simple Ways to Fix It.

April 1, 2018

 

In today's society of instant gratification and armchair activism, we've seen a stark rise in narratives that assign blame to others versus assigning blame to ourselves. A victimhood, "woe is me" mindset is extremely destructive to the can do spirit that you possess. What is the victimhood mindset?

 

The victimhood mindset is a set of behaviors that asserts one or a class of people as victims to some outside force. This mindset encourages changing the other party in some way versus putting in the necessary self work to succeed.

 

The fact of the matter is that nobody is born with a victimhood mindset. We are born with an insatiable drive for freedom. We are born with a mentality of success and obsession with it. Don’t believe me? Consider this.When you put a toddler in a play pen or some kind of enclosure, the he/she will naturally explore ways to get out. Toddlers will stack toys, climb, and push their way around obstacles that impede their freedom. This is instinctual. Nobody has to tell the toddler to find a way out. He/she will naturally do it. Humans are naturally obsessed with success.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Victimhood is the exact opposite of success. It forces you to relinquish your ability to do for self in all phases.

 

When you become a victim, you give up all of your power because a person or thing can not be responsible for your failures, but then suddenly not be in charge of your successes as well. Things simply don't work like that. The outside entity that you are giving your failure credit to must be in charge of both.When they are in charge of both, what are you in charge of? 


Nothing.

When you aren’t in charge of anything, what do you have the capacity to change?

Nothing.

Furthermore, nobody really gives a shit about a tough break. We’ve all had tough breaks. You’re not unique. Victimhood is entitlement and that is the quickest way to destroy every single meaningful relationship in your life.


Entitlement cannot exist in the same space as honest self-reflection, which is paramount to a healthy relationship on any level.When you feel like you’re entitled to something, you don’t honestly assess why you don’t have it or what you need to do to have it.

 

People that are victims spend too much time trying to tear others down instead of building themselves up.

 

You spend too much time trying to justify not doing the right thing under the guise of “I’ve done enough work to deserve this.” When you diminish others to feel good about yourself, you’re not in tune with the needs of the other people around you. Relationships should be even value exchanges. Being a victim unbalances this value exchange and there’s only so long you can be a taker before people cut you off.

Is this you?

Are you a taker?

Is all of your success predicated on the good will of another party or system?

Is all of your failure predicated on the ill will of another party or system?

Are people disposable to you when they no longer fit your agenda?

 

Fear not because you can transition from victim to victor with one simple phrase.

 

“I allow everything that happens to me.”

Felt a chill go up your spine didn’t you??

That’s equal parts resistance to the truth and your power returning to you.The truth is rocking you because your foundation is built on the lie that bad things happen inexplicably to good people.

That’s grade A bullshit beloved.

The fact of the matter is that many of us are woefully under-prepared for dealing with life in the matrix. Life kicking your ass daily while others are thriving without a care in the world is proof of that. It’s no coincidence that the most empowered people in the world are some of the hardest working, most innovative people ever. You deserve everything you get when you don’t prepare.

 

Victims are not prepared for the situations they find themselves in and they don’t seek to improve it. They try to appeal to the good nature of others and that’s a good way to always end up in last place. Luckily, some of your power has returned so you can actively fix this. You are a powerful creator. Your are literally born from the essence that creates worlds. You have God potential in you. When you control it, you are unstoppable. When you prepare, you are unstoppable.

So how can we fix this and actively transform from victim to victor? Here are 3 simple things that you can do daily to live a victorious life.

1: Affirm Your Worth: This is one of the simplest way to transition back to a victorious mindset. When you affirm your worth to yourself daily, you have access to the most consistent voice of positivity. Be your biggest cheerleader. You are worthy. Affirm this to yourself daily whether it's verbal or auditory from another source. Affirming your own worth makes you affirm the worth of others in your mind, which will allow you to see them as human and empathize better.

 

2: Be Solution Oriented: Focusing on the solution to a problem is a much more efficient use of time in the grand scheme of things. Constant analysis leads to paralysis and this is even more pronounced when you constantly dwell on the problem rather than the solution. Ask questions like "how can I fix this?" "What kinds of materials do I need to succeed?" "Who's expertise can I lean on here to solve this problem?" All of these questions get you focused on the solution to your problems, shifting you from victim to victor. Being solution oriented in your relationships ensures that you can at least be thoughtful about problems that arise to find a suitable solution. It also helps you snuff potential problems out before they become a true nuisance.

 

 

3: Surround Yourself with Successful People: You are the average of the 4-5 people that you spend the most time around. If people aren't actively upgrading you or encouraging your success, leave them. That can be family or friends. Successful people don't have time to complain about why things aren't working. They realize that there is a world waiting for problem solvers and there is extreme value in being one. Find a mentor or ask questions of people that have overcome seemingly insurmountable odds. Many of them are very willing to share their success stories with you. These stories can be a blueprint for how to navigate and strengthen your own relationships.

You’re literally a star. How could you not shine?

You think stars complain about the shine coming from other stars?

Hell no. They just shine regardless. Stop saying that you can’t shine because someone else’s shine is dimming yours. Transition from victim to victor. Take back your power today so that you can stop living a life of mediocrity and truly live a life unleashed.

 

 

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©2018 by Tanei the Science Guy, PhD LLC